Visits From A Man Named Nobody 51

Visits From A Man Named Nobody 51

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“That’s a different problem, but repenting before God is only the highest form of repentance. You sought forgiveness from Stacy, which, apparently, she gave, at least to some degree.”

The car continued along the freeway as Paul considered what his mother said. Was that what he was after? He didn’t think so. “I wasn’t after forgiveness, Mom.”

“You were probably trying to be punished because you know what you did was wrong.” Her already normally soft voice was whisper quiet. She was sad about something. It was probably because Paul wanted punishment.

“I think people should pay for what they do,” Paul said. “I think they should get what they deserve.”

“I sincerely hope not,” his mother replied. “I want to give mercy, and I want to receive mercy. I know exactly what I deserve, and that’s why mercy is so wonderful.”

“You deserve to be happy!” The comment came out in a sort of muttered growl.

“And I don’t deserve to be punished for letting your father do what he did to us?” Paul’s head jerked at the question, which came out much more like an accusation.

“You were the victim!”

“And yet I let him do as much to you.”

Paul shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He hadn’t forgotten how he’d treated her as a child. He did whatever he wanted and expected her to let him. Then he got angry at her for giving him exactly what he wanted. It never made any sense. It only got better when he and Jordan became friends. 

“That’s not the same,” Paul said.

“It can’t be both ways, Paul. We either all get everything we deserve, or we all need mercy. But I’m of the opinion that if everyone got exactly what they deserve, we’d all be in a great deal of agony. And before you make some crass extreme counterargument, I acknowledge that some people are far more evil than others, but that’s not my point.”

“There is no one who is good,” Paul said.

“That’s,” she paused in shock. “That’s exactly right. Have you been reading the Bible?”

He’d never even considered telling her before this moment. It never came up. “I read the whole thing around the time he was arrested.” Paul refused to speak his name, and he’d die a million times over before he acknowledged that man as his father. 

Not that it worked. He was literally just like him, and he deserved exactly what that man got. 

A memory flashed in Paul’s mind. It was the night of Nobody’s first visit. The bastard had passed out drunk, and a bottle had tipped over. Paul set it right to be positive the alcoholic wouldn’t trip and hurt himself.

“Paul, are you there?” He’d been years away in the past and hadn’t heard his mother.

“Sorry,” he said. “I zoned out for a second.”

“I was asking why you read the Bible then?” 

That answer would lead to a lot of other questions. Paul had eluded to Nobody once or twice, but he’d never told the whole story. As he thought, he figured he should have lied to his mother, saying he’d read the Bible after he got close to Bill, but he couldn’t bring himself to lie to his mother or about Bill.

“I was looking for answers.” That was at least a part of the truth. “I didn’t find any. I read the whole thing. I think I’ve read it two or three times, but I don’t believe any of it.”

“Because of what happened to Bill.” She said it as gently as she could given her tone, but talking about Bill was always a way to get Paul angry. 

“Yes.” Maybe by being curt, she’d know to change the subject.

“We can’t accept just part of the Word,” she emphasized the capital. “It’s all true. It’s true that he’s sovereign. It’s true that he’s loving. It’s true that he’s the righteous judge, and it’s true that he calls us when it’s our time. We don’t get to pick when, and, to be honest, I don’t know that we’d ever accept the explanation even if he bothered to give it to us.”

“That part is for certain,” Paul muttered. 

“I’m going to ask about this girl now to shift the subject.”

Paul laughed. She could have just done it.

“I’m not doing it because I’m afraid or unwilling to debate or discuss this with you,” she explained. “I doing it because I’m trying to be patient. You’ve been patient, hearing what I’ve had to say. I think any more on this subject would just be an argument neither of us wants.”

“Yeah,” Paul admitted.

“I imagine Stacy is willing to allow you this chance to change,” his mother said. 

“But why? If I’m capable of doing what I did tonight, what else am I capable of?” And there it was. The last part of his question came out in whine of agony. He was a monster. He should be locked up before he hurt anyone. He wouldn’t be sorry if a bolt of lightning struck him down.  He needed to be punished. He needed to be stopped before he became that man.

“We’re all capable of horrible things, Paul,” his mother said. He couldn’t know for certain without activating the holographic feature of his PID, but he thought he heard a smile in her voice. “But you’re every bit as capable of becoming a kind, loving, patient man. If she’s ever willing to talk to you, maybe ask her why she was so willing to give you such precious gift as her own body. Why was she willing to be your girlfriend? I imagine it’s because she saw the man you could be, the other man you could be. I just wish you’d focus on becoming that man instead of avoiding the other.”

Paul glanced out the window as he ran a hand down his face to dry his tears. He caught the exit to his school from the corner of his eye, but he needed to admit something to his mother. “I’m so afraid of being him.”

“But if you focus on him, so that’s your target,” she said. “You have so many better options to focus on.” 

“Bill is the only better option I have, maybe Jordan or his dad,” Paul said. “I don’t know about so many other options.”

“I do,” his mother replied. “You’ve read the Bible. You have Enoch and Noah, Moses and David, the apostles and, most importantly, Jesus.”

“I thought you were changing the subject.” Paul muttered.

“I did, for an entire minute.” She sounded pleased at her quip. “And before you argue about it for the sake of arguing, go back and look at just one of those people. Would it really be so bad to be like them?”

Paul opened his mouth to say, “yes,” but that lie wouldn’t form on his lips either.

“Then there’s Paul,” his mother said. “Now there’s a case I think you could study. You could ask yourself why he called himself the foremost sinner, and yet he was still chosen to be an apostle to the Gentiles.”

Paul didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t either start an argument or get more Bible references. His contemplative moment turned into a period of silence.

“I’ll leave you to think on it now, but I hope you will,” his mother said. “We didn’t name you after the apostle, but you seem to focus on the punishments people deserved. It would do you some good to see the value of what mercy can do.”

“Ok,” Paul said.

“Thank you.”

Wait? Did she take that as a promise to look into it? “Mom —”

“I’m sure you’re near the school now, and you should see if Stacy is willing to talk to you,” his mother said.

“Mom, I —”

“I’ll talk to you later. I love you always, my son.”

She hung up. That was a dirty trick! She hung up before he could explain he was only acknowledging that he’d heard her. He shook his head. He didn’t actually promise her anything, and she knew it. He wasn’t obligated to study any of that stuff.

The car indeed pulled off the exit and started to pull around to one of the campus’s entrances. 

… to be continued …

Visits From A Man Named Nobody 49

Visits From A Man Named Nobody 49

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Jan. 29, 2036, 2:45 a.m. 

14 Years, 307 Days Ago

Paul didn’t have any luck finding Stacy until social media revealed just how badly he’d hurt her new boyfriend. Apparently, the man had ended up in the hospital for a dislocated knee. He walked through the sliding glass doors and stepped to the middle of a waiting area composed of hard plastic chairs.  He turned, just trying to get his bearings, and nearly tripped over Stacy, who yelped in shock as his arm just missed slamming into her. 

“What the hell are you doing here!?” 

Paul placatingly held up his hands and took a few steps back. “I’m only here to say you were right.”

It was hard to tamp down the anger again. His thoughts seem to argue with themselves.

She cheated on me!

I never treated her right.

Does that mean she can sleep around?

It means I failed her every bit as badly as she failed me. 

She scowled at him. “You’ve done enough.”

Paul took another step back. “I only came to say you were right, and I’m sorry.”

“You’ve said it!” For someone so beautiful, that enraged face held a special piercing horror to it.

“What’s going on here?” A police officer stood in the near hallway. Apparently, Paul’s apology and Stacy’s reaction drew the attention of the staff, but that actually did Paul a favor. 

“I’m here to turn myself in,” Paul said. 

“What are you doing?” Stacy’s face scrunched up in confusion.

“The right thing,” Paul answered. He turned his attention to the police officer. “My name is Paul Autumn. I’m responsible for putting .. “ He looked at Stacy. He didn’t know the man’s name. “Whoever it is she’s with, I’m the one who hurt him. I’m turning myself in.”

The police officer, a slender man with a face that somehow seemed to sag, looked from Paul to Stacy. “Young man,” he said, “I need you to understand that anything you say can and will be used against you.”

“I know,” Paul said. 

“Are you sure?” The officer asked.

“What are you doing?!” Stacy’s face shifted to one of confusion. Was she worried, or was it Paul’s hopeful imagination?

“I already told you,” Paul said. “I’m doing the right thing.” He looked back at the police officer. “I’m responsible for that guy being here, and I’m sorry. I’d like to leave my insurance and number with the nurse before you arrest me.”

The police officer’s brown eyes widened in shock, and he let out a chuckle. It looked like he’d just tripped and fallen on a PID containing a million dollar account number. “Um, that’s not really how it works.”

“Ok.” Paul turned his back to the officer and crossed his hands behind his back. He turned his head so he could see Stacy.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked. 

Paul smiled at her. “Because people should be accountable. Tell your new boyfriend I’m sorry for what it’s worth. And for how I treated you, I’m sorry for that, too.”

He hadn’t actually intended to turn himself in, but the moment the police officer showed up, it felt right. How many beatings had his father handed down before he wound up in prison? He wouldn’t go that far. He’d pay for what he’d done. It was all probably over. His scholarship. His experiment. Any hope of a job was probably down the drain given he’d have an arrest record. 

The police officer put the cuffs on him and read him his rights. As he did, Paul had a thought.

“Would you tell Jordan what happened?” He asked Stacy. 

She stared at him for a long moment before giving a quick nod. 

That was something, at least. They’d probably let Jordan stay in school. Paul decided to invoke his right to remain silent during the entire drive. He contemplated everything that led to that moment and decided it was probably how it was always going to go. He was always like his father. He was always just one explosion of anger away from what he’d done. 

By the time he reached this realization, the officer had pulled into the police station. Booking consisted of a mug shot and fingerprints. Somewhere along the line, he asked that a lawyer be provided for him. They put him in a large, white room that only had a few chairs. 

He sat there, playing everything over in his mind again. 

He wasn’t sure if he’d fallen asleep or if he just blinked, but the sound of the door opening drew his attention. The same police officer who arrested him entered. He looked somehow both annoyed, with furrowed eyebrows, and amused, with a slight grin. 

“You said you hurt him,” the officer said. 

“I did.” Paul didn’t bother to hide his confusion. 

“Well, I suppose you did at that, but you made it sound like you tried to kill him,” the officer said. 

“I almost did,” Paul said. 

“I don’t know about that,” the officer said. “His knee was reset. He’ll limp for a time, but he should be fine after a few months if what the doctors say is true.”

That was a relief in a way, but it didn’t change the fact that Paul had gone out of control. “I don’t understand,” he said. “You make it sound like I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Based on that young lady’s statement and her boyfriend, you didn’t,” the officer said. He stood up and waved a hand at the door. “You’re free to go.”

“No,” Paul said. “What … what did they say?”

The officer shrugged. “Said you two were doing some sort of stupid wrestling contest, and things went south.”

Paul let out a frustrated breath and shook his head. “That’s a … “

The officer held a hand. “Now young man, I’m going to interrupt your incredible act of well-meant stupidity.”

Paul froze, unsure whether to feel insulted or not. 

“I imagine your story might be very different from theirs,” the officer said. “And I suppose only one of you can be telling the truth, but the problem I got is, that while you may be confessing to all sorts of things, if the supposed victims don’t report a crime, I have no case. So if you could just stop wasting my time and take the free chance you’ve been offered, I’m sure we could all use a little sleep and a perhaps a bit of time to think.”

Paul stood there dumbfounded. They’d lied for him? Why? 

… to be continued …

Sonnets For My Savior 52

Sonnets For My Savior 52

The Lessons In Pain

Why is there pain?
Could it be there are lessons in suffering?
Those who hold fast to Christ will learn their faith is not in vain.
Those who endure in faith will see Christ and all the rewards his return will bring.

Why would God allow pain to come?
What parent hasn’t allowed a child to fall
so that the child might learn what shouldn’t be done?
Pain is a harsh teacher, but its lessons come to all.
Pain can equip someone.

Those who’ve suffered can help others in similar situations.
One who’s suffered gains the strength to overcome.
Those who endure can push beyond previous limitations.

Some things happen, and they hurt more than a person can know.
But as we endure, we learn; we demonstrate our faith, and we grow.





I should not laugh at another’s misfortune,
even if he is my enemy.
For every man receives his proper portion,
and I should offer mercy as it’s been given to me.

Never forget those times you’ve suffered.
How much did you cry for understanding?
Shouldn’t you offer the same to those who are flustered?
When others mourn, shouldn’t you be listening?

The Lord’s mercy is great.
He his abounding in love and forgiving.
No matter what mistakes you might make,
his love for us is ever enduring.

Just as your Father is merciful,
so should we be merciful.




He Will Always Seek You Out

Fear not lost sheep,
He will seek you out.
In his arms, he will keep
you no mater where you run about.

Do not lose your shine little piece of silver,
He will seek you out.
He will search under every floorboard and pillar.
And when he finds you, he will, with joy, celebrate and shout.

Do not give up, repentant sinners,
He will seek you out.
He sent His Son to deliver
all those who repent from their pain and doubt.

If you are lost, and you’re unsure what you should do.
Have faith and seek Him, and He will always find you.




What has hate ever gained someone?
What need does it satisfy?
What good has it ever done?
It only leads to more hate, and no one understands why.

But if you love the one who hates you,
There is hope for better gain.
If you bless those who curse you,
You proclaim your father’s Heavenly name.

You can not know God if you don’t know love.
If one does not know love, God is not in him.
God is love,
And whoever loves a brother abides in Him.

Any man can hate those who hate him,
but a world filled with hate is one that’s dark and grim.




When I feel like I know best.
When I feel like things should go my way.
When I don’t get my way, and I feel stressed.
When I feel others should do as I say. 

This is my sinful pride.
This is when I place myself on a throne that isn’t mine.
But the prideful seeking God’s kingdom will be denied.
An arrogant man seeks justification, but he will not find.

God, place in me a Spirit that’s humble.
For the earth is the meek’s inheritance.
Forgive me, Lord, when my pride makes me stumble.
Forgive me, Lord, for I offer my repentance.

There is no love in me if I place myself above others.
Let me exalt You, Lord, above any other.





What need do the perfect have for forgiveness?
Why should they seek salvation?
If only I could obtain such righteousness.
If only I could resist each and every temptation.

Why praise Christ as propitiation,
when so many mortal men call you good?
Surely you can rest upon your own perfection.
If any could argue their case before God, surely you could.

You’ve never called anyone a fool.
You’ve never looked at a person in lust.
Indeed, you’ve followed God’s every rule.
Indeed, you’re always patient and just.

I, however, lack such earthly perfection,
so I depend on Christ and his crucifixion. 




Keep your faith in trying times.
Hold fast, and anticipate the good things to come.
Keep your faith in joyful times.
Don’t turn away in complacency and lose the good things to come.

Keep your faith, though you may be sad.
God is good and always keeps His word.
Keep your faith, though you may be glad.
God is just and always upholds His word.

He is not a tool to use in need.
He’s not a person to cast aside after you’ve catered to your greed.
He is the Lord who made you.
He is the Lord who loves you.

Abide in Him, so that, when He returns, you won’t cower in fear.
Abide in Him, so that you may receive His gifts when He returns here.

Sonnets For My Savior 36

Sonnets For My Savior 36

Reasons For Hope

Though my suffering is great,

My faith remains in You.

I man be in a horrible state,

but I know You’re faith remains true.

Every promise You made, encouraging or frightening,

You have kept.

So all situations, be they joyful or terrifying,

I will strive to accept.

Your steadfast love never ceases;

Your mercies never end;

Your faithfulness ever increases;

On Your sufficiency, I can depend.

In all suffering, be it old or new,

I can endure, oh LORD, because I have You.


Generous and Merciful

Glory be to our God, who always provides.

He is slow to anger and abounding in mercy.

He is the source from which every blessing resides.

He gives us more than any man can see.

I’m protected from hunger, for He is my daily bread.

I feel no cold, for He has placed a shirt on my back.

I don’t fear the elements, for He has put a roof over my head.

I’m more blessed than I have a right to be, for there isn’t a thing I lack.

Let us focus on all he’s given us,

rather than the excess we desire.

Times of both abundance and famine will come to us,

but He always gives us what we require.

When tempted to demand more in our greed,

let us repent and praise the God who always gives what we need.



He Who Makes Anything Possible

The quantity of fish was too much, 153.

Seven disciples couldn’t lift the net.

Then Jesus said, “Bring the fish to me.”

Suddenly the net wasn’t to hard for Simon Peter to get.

By himself, as one of seven,

Peter lacked the strength.

But by the will of the Son of Heaven,

Peter had no lack of strength.

Peter didn’t remind Christ of the weight;

he was too excited to please his Savior.

When one’s faith is that great,

he can perform any labor.

It may not seem at all plausible,

but through Jesus Christ, all things are possible.



A Heart For You

Lord change my deceitful heart.

Renew a right spirit in me.

Make me like David, a man after your heart.

Better still, make me like Christ, who died to set me free.

Too easily, you slip from my mind.

Too easily, I forget my promises to you.

I give my attention to temptations that make me blind,

Change me, lest comfort and entertainment turn me away from you.

Be not just an hour on Sunday

or a moment of reading.

Instead rule my heart and thoughts in every way,

for Your glory is the only thought worth keeping.

Take charge of my heart, and lead me in all that I do.

Posses my heart, and make it only for You.




Three times He was denied.

Three times His disciple professed his love.

Three days after he died,

He arose and announced his return to the father above.

Three ways Satan tested.

Three times, He resisted.

Three days, the Israelites thirsted.

Three years, Paul was instructed.

Three nights, and God came down on Mount Sinai.

Jonah was trapped three days inside the whale.

There is no one who can deny

the significance of this detail.

But, the most significant use of three,

is the Father, Son, and Spirit, the Holy Trinity.



As I Grow

Walk with me.

Make me more like You.

Live in me.

Let my growth be seen through what I do.

Change me.

Help me put aside the man I was.

Guide me.

For I know a man is recognized by what he does.

Forgive me.

For all the things I hate are what I do.

Lead me.

Grant me the discipline to do as my changed heart wants to.

I am still far short of Your glory, I know.

Sanctify me, and have patience as I grow.



To Know God

I know God.

No, I know God.

No one who tries to Use God

Can claim to truly know God.

We do not use Him.

He uses us.

Insulting those who seek to honor Him

Isn’t very Christian of us.

Respond to cruelty with love.

Turn the misguided to His word.

The best way to honor our God above

Is to live in accordance to His word.

Share His word in love. 

Live with others in holy love.