Visits From A Man Named Nobody 29

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Eight

April 2, 2027, 3:33 p.m. 

18 Years, 349 Days Ago

Paul plopped down from the wall behind his house and walked through the back door. Bill was there in the dining room. He turned to Paul in surprise.

“Why are you coming in through the back door?” he asked.

Paul froze. He wanted to rush up to Bill and start asking a million questions he’d had from the last time they’d spoken a few days ago. Bill had visited at least another two times since they first met, but this was the first time Bill was at the house before him. 

“It’s a shortcut,” Paul lied.

“No it isn’t,” Bill said. “You’d have to walk a block in the wrong direction to even get to that wall.”

Paul’s mouth froze open. His mother bought the lie when he’d used it, but his mother probably didn’t think about directions. She was happy if Paul was happy. Bill on the other hand, liked to understand things. In this case, the habit was pretty unfortunate.

Paul shrugged. “I just … “ Lying took a ton of effort. “Think it’s cool walking on the walls.”

Bill raised an eyebrow. “And the neighbors don’t mind? Doesn’t one of them have a dog?”

Why on earth does he ask so many questions? “No one’s ever asked me to stop.”

“So what brought this on?” Bill asked. “You were just walking home one day and thought, ‘Gee, I wonder what it would be like to walk on those walls over there?’”

“Sure,” Paul said. It was a lot easier to lie when someone gave you one to approve. 

Bill shook his head. “You’re not that sort of adventurous. What’s really going on?”

“What, you know me for, like, two weeks, and suddenly you know everything about me?” Paul shouted the question.

“Of course not.” Bill’s tone didn’t change a bit. He even kept a gentle smile on his face. 

“But you’re gonna interrogate me like you have some right to? Are you my dad now? You and Mom get married while I wasn’t looking?” The more Paul thought about the questions, the more justified he felt in shouting them.

“What is going on?” His mother’s question came out in a series of slow, emphasized words. She’d come from the kitchen and didn’t look too pleased.

Paul froze again. It was one thing to have a tirade against Bill. Actually, Bill didn’t deserve it either, but it still felt more wrong for his mother getting involved.

“Do you think Paul and I could talk?” Bill stood up from the wooden dinning room chair. Strangely, his tone only became more gentle. 

“It doesn’t sound like you’re talking. Paul, are you being rude?” His mother tried to look at Paul, but Bill used a pair of fingers to gently turn her chin back toward himself.

“Sweetheart, it is your right to discipline your son,” he said. “But I’m asking you to let me talk to him.”

Paul coked his head. Why did Bill talk like that? 

His mom let out a deep sigh. “I’m fine with you two talking.” She looked at Paul. “But if you raise your voice again, I’ll use my right to discipline you until you graduate college.”

Paul’s had sank in shame. “Yes, Mother.”

She backed out of the room as if taking every moment she could to observe Paul’s behavior. 

After she’d been gone a few seconds, Bill turned his attention back to Paul. Those brown eyes of his were so kind. Paul shouted at him, and he just kept that patient tone.

“Why are you so defensive about what you were doing?” Bill asked.

“I’m not defensive!” Paul said defensively. 

Bill smiled at him. “In my experience, I’m the most angry when I’m the most ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid.” 

Paul just stood there in front of the door. 

Bill narrowed his eyes. “If something is bothering you, I’d be honored if you trusted me enough to share it with me.”

Paul just looked down at his sneakers. 

“You’re a good young man,” Bill mused. He sounded like he was talking to himself, but he definitely wanted Paul to hear. “So I don’t imagine you’re ashamed or embarrassed. Besides, what would using the back door hide that you’d be ashamed or embarrassed about?”

“It’s this guy,” Paul muttered. 

Bill immediately stopped talking. He moved back to his chair and took a seat, offering Paul the one next to him. 

Paul sat. “He stands there or rushes out of his house to tell me all about how I’m going to Hell and … other things.”

Bill cocked his head in thought. “So he claims to be a religious person?”

“You’re religious,” Paul argued.

“I’m Christian, which is a religion, but not all religious people are Christian,” Bill explained. “What does he base his opinion of you on?”

Paul shrugged. “I went to his church once. It wasn’t fun.”

“What’s the name of his church?” Bill asked. 

“The Way,” Paul said. 

Bill grimaced. 

“You’ve heard of it?” Paul asked.

The only way Paul knew Bill was frustrated was the odd moment he spent thinking before he answered. “Yes,” Bill said. “What’s this man’s name?”

“Mr. Dorny,” Paul said. 

“And Mr. Dorny has you so worked up, you’ll use parkour to avoid him?” Bill asked. 

Paul shrugged. When Bill said it like that, it felt stupid. It felt cowardly. 

“He’s just super aggressive, and he won’t let me go. He doesn’t, like, touch me or grab me, but he gets in my way and makes it sound like I’m a bad person for not listening.”

Bill nodded. “He lives down the road, the one you’d use to come home from school?”

Paul nodded. 

“Mary!” Bill called her name, and she eventually returned from the kitchen. “I have to take Paul out for just a few moments. We should be back in about half an hour.”

“What’s going on?” she asked. 

“I’ll explain everything, but would you be OK if I waited until after we got back?” Bill asked.

“I’ll explain, too,” Paul chimed in. “It’s sort of a long story.”

Mary looked at Bill. “What are you going to do?” 

Paul looked at Bill. He’d be interested to hear the answer as well.

“We just have to talk to someone,” Bill said. “There’s a disagreement that needs to be resolved. It won’t take long.”

Paul’s mom shrugged and let out a deep breath. “I’ll just wait for the explanation. Just be home before dinner get’s cold.”

Bill nodded and started walking toward the front door. Paul darted after him. Bill seemed to be walking more quickly than normal. Paul had to move at a pace that was one step below a jog just to keep up. He glanced at Bill, whose lips were moving, but Paul couldn’t make out any words. Is he praying?

They moved purposefully out of the cul-de-sac in which Paul lived and came to Mr. Dorny’s house, which was right at the choke point of road. 

Mr. Dorny was outside, sitting in his chair. He saw Paul and smiled. 

“Well it’s certainly been a while,” he said. Something about his tone sounded smug. Paul already wanted to hit him.

“He’s not here to talk to you,” Bill said. “I am.”

“And who are you?” Mr. Dorny asked. He got up from his metal beach chair. The motion looked like a lion getting up after eating a fat zebra. 

Book Review: The Creation Answers Book by Don Batten

While searching for an apologetics book, I found myself talking to one of the deacons at my church. He happily gave me this book. It absolutely addresses the questions that I was looking for information on.

This book uses geology and other science to defend the historical Biblical narrative.

For obvious reasons, this book will be highly disputed (and perhaps even mocked) by the general community. My response is that like any form of information, it should be read and evaluated for the information it provides. The reader is more than welcome to come to whatever conclusions he wants, but the information in this book is certainly interesting.

The book is outlined by a series of questions like “Does God Exist?” “Six Days” What about the Gap Theory?” and “What About Carbon Dating?”

For someone like me this was an important book to read. I won’t pretend that I’ve studied science more than someone with a degree, but I would at least say that science is a hobby of mine, and I have a very scientific mind. I always seek to understand, and that’s not unholy.

The thing is, schools do a lot to teach theories. But the truth (even science will admit) is that these are only theories. These theories are commonly held and widely believed, but that’s not actually different than any commonly held and widely believed theory. The difficulties Christians might find in proving the Biblical record are only (at most) as difficult as proving several problems that currently plague the scientific, non-believing community.

I read this for the same reason I read science books, to gain information. Of course, as a Christian, I have my opinions, and I invite anyone to read this book and consider its contents.

For me though, this book gave me more targeted things to investigate. The Bible is the only book I intend to believe at face value. Yes, that creates a bias, but that bias is only reflectively different than one who refuses to believe anything the Bible says, which is inadvisable given how much archeology, geology, and historical documentation proves several parts of the Bible and none of those same sciences can disprove any one element of the Bible. Noting a bias is one way to defend against it. This book covers the bias issue as well.

Noting a bias is how one can be objective. If one is aware what they want, they can look more deeply for confirmation. Ignoring a bias is what causes one to simply seek confirmation without ensuring the evidence supports it.

So, if you’re curious as to the creationist view of things, I invite you to give this book a try.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Musings on Christianity 12

Why Christ?

Inevitably, there comes a time when people speak of religion and begin to try and harmonize faith into one set of beliefs. The idea is that any path taken to honor God will lead to Him. This is most common for people who believe in a singular God. There are also times when people will question why one faith is superior to another. 

What I’m not going to do is tell you why my faith is superior to another faith. What I am going to do is simply explain why I need Christ.

Let me ask you a brutal yes or no question. Remember, you can’t explain or justify your answer; you must simply think, “yes” or “no.” Are you perfect? I didn’t ask if you were generally a good person. I didn’t ask if you’re no worse than someone else. I didn’t ask if you haven’t done anything truly bad. I mean, are you absolutely perfect?

I know I’m not. The first chapter covers this same theory. Remember, I’m not good, and neither are you. This is the first part of why I need Christ. I’m not perfect. I’d even go so far as to say I’d rather not even attempt to justify myself next to some other mortal men. I have regrets in my life. 

The next part of this explanation demands yet another important honest question. The same rules apply.  Do you believe you could earn your way into Heaven? Some religions do. Some people do. If you answer, yes, then there’s really not much I can tell you. Time will tell. I however, do not think I could earn my way into Heaven. Why? Because if I’m not perfect, I can’t honestly expect a perfect God to want to have anything to do with me.

Here is another issue that needs to be addressed. It’s perhaps comforting to think of God as someone who loves us. This is actually true. However, the idea of “love” is the one that needs clarification. There are those who want the idea of God’s love to mean, “I can do whatever I want, and he still loves me.” 

I don’t believe that’s true. First, let’s look at this as any Christian should look at a question. Does God love everyone?  He does love us in that he offered salvation to us (Romans 5:8).  But if you lean on that verse, then you must remember the whole thought. God shows his love for us (which is there) in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. If Christ is the mechanism for which he showed his love, we must, therefore need him for that love to have been shown.

But why then did Christ’s death need to be? I’m coming to that, but first we must address the concept of God’s love.

God’s hatred does exist. There are those he hates. Who? He hates evildoers (Psalm 5:5).  He hates those who are haughty, those who’ve lied, those who’ve shed innocent blood, those who devise wicked plans, those who hurry to evil, a false witness, and those who sow discord among brothers (Proverbs 6:16-19).

Anyone as self defensive as I am would quickly shout, “I’ve never shed innocent blood!” They may say, “I’ve never devised a wicked plan!”

I’m not going to invest time to explain how God sees hatred of another itself as murder (the shedding of innocent blood) (Matthew 5:21-48).  I’m also not going to invest time discussing what constitutes a wicked plan. Indeed, I’m going to simply conceded those two arguments.

However, the items on this list I, for one, can not dispute condemn me are those who lie, and those who sow discord. Here comes another brutal question. Yes or no: have you ever, ever, lied? Welcome to the list of those God hates (or hated, we’ll come to that).  I’ve lied. I don’t have any idea of the number of times I’ve lied. From, “Mom, this sure tasted great!” to “You look fine!” I’ve lied. Those are just the “white” lies. Lies we tell for good. Let’s make something clear. You can not do something evil for good. You can not lie for a good reason. If you’ve lied, you, like me, are on the list.

What about sowing discord? Well, have you ever talked about someone behind their back? Have you ever vented to a friend about that guy you “just can’t stand?” Have you ever spoken about that boss who “everyone hates?”  That’s right, you’ve sown discord. Welcome to the list. Don’t worry, I’m on that list too. 

What then can we do? There are some who would say, “Sure, you’ve done some bad in life!” They conceded the first question above proclaiming, “no one is perfect.” Then they try to make that lack of perfection ok by either stating “God loves us anyway,” which we’ll address here in another moment, or they say, “the point is to try to do more good than evil.”

Here’s were that logic just falls short for me. Taking from the list of things God hates listed above, just imagine every “fib” every “white lie” you’ve ever told. I don’t know about you, but I lost count. So how can I know how many good deeds to do? If my single list of this one “bad” thing is already too difficult to count, how, exactly can I hope to know how many “good” deeds I need to do?

This line of thinking becomes even more mind boggling to me. What about the severity of the sin? I was a little thief in my younger days. Does that mean I have to give in these days? Does the “right” I’m obligated to do have to be at least equal to or greater than the “wrongs” done? It just gets too complicated. It also leads back to one very important thing. Do I really think I can earn my way into Heaven? If I don’t think I can, then no amount of good deeds is going to be enough anyway.

And I don’t. I don’t think I’m going to do a darn thing for the creator of the universe. I don’t have a resume item I think will compare with, “created all things.”

So I need help. If I realize I can’t earn my way into Heaven because I’m not perfect, I’m can’t even tell the amount of good I must do to outweigh the bad I’ve done, and I’m not able to do anything to impress the God who created the universe, I need someone or something to help me. Therefore, I need Christ. 

The next question then must be, “What does Christ do for those who believe in him?” There are several different ways to ask that question, but that version works for me.

The first thing he did for us what that very same demonstration of love I mentioned above from Romans 5:8. His very death, if we believe in him and his death, is a symbol of God’s love. Why though? Why did his death for us help us? Why is his death the symbol of God’s love?

Because death is the price for sin (Romans 6:23). In the days of Moses, a substitutionary sacrifice was enough to temporarily pay the price for a man’s sin. That substitutionary death was to be a lamb without blemish, a perfect lamb. 

These sacrifices had to be repeated though. They were offered at specific places in specific times and repeated because man continued to sin. This had to be repeated because an animal was never regarded as equal to man (Matthew 6:26 gives one example of this fact). So the only way for man to be permanently forgiven is for a perfect man to die.

Therefore, I need Christ. He was perfect. He did die. More importantly, he was raised. His death paid for my sins. His resurrection broke the bonds of death so that life everlasting becomes possible.

So I choose Christianity for a great number of reasons. The reason that’s relevant to this particular chapter is that I already know there’s nothing I can do to be good enough to get into Heaven. I need help. I know I need help because I already know I’m not good enough on my own. What Christ did is pay the price for my sin. What Christ does is advocate for me with his Father in Heaven (1 John 2:1). Rather than rely on myself to negotiate my way into Heaven, I rely on Christ to be the way.

Again, this isn’t where I say to those of other religions, “This is why you’re wrong.” Instead, this is where I say, “This is why I need Christ.” No other religion has a figure who, in perfection, provided me a means to be cleansed and a person to advocate for me.

Dr. John MacArthur once broke religion down into two ultimate groups: Faith based religion and works based religion. If you believe in your core as some do that you are the one who must earn your way, I’m not going to convince you other wise. I just don’t agree. I’m just too aware of too many people who did so many good things, but I can always find one guy who doesn’t think that person measures up. However, what I can choose to do is have faith in one who was perfect and paid my price and speaks for me.

I offer this prospective to you to help you understand why I feel the need I feel. If you don’t feel good enough, Christ is. If you don’t feel as though you can do enough, Christ has. If you don’t feel you’re perfect, Christ is.

For our panel: What are some other ways to demonstrate how Christ served as our substitutionary sacrifice? What is the relationship between sin and death? What was it that showed you the need for Christ? How is Christ unique as a savior in comparison to other religions? How does Christ serve as our advocate in Heaven?

Sonnets For My Savior 39

The Only Way

It is Him.

There is no other way.

He has no alter ego or pseudonym.

Turning from Him only leads to dismay.

He is the only light.

There are no dimmer flames; His is the only one that exists.

Following Him is the only way that is right.

He is the only way in which salvation consists.

Only He paid the price.

Only He advocates for us.

We are only saved by His sacrifice.

To follow any other is treasonous.

There is only one who frees us,

and He is our Christ, Jesus.

 

---

 

The Mark of a Christian

A kind smile.

A generous gift.

One who walks the extra mile.

One whose values will never shift.

Providing for others

When they are in need.

Caring for one’s brothers

Rather than clinging to greed. 

Standing in truth.

Living in light.

Letting go the things of one’s youth.

Turning from wrong and doing what is right.

But the greatest trait of children from the Father above,

Is living a life with a heart full of love.

 

---

 

Holy Father

Holy Father,

There is no one above you.

Holy Father,

There is no one mightier than you.

You are merciful.

You are righteous.

You are wonderful.

You are glorious.

Holy Father,

You are life and light.

Holy Father,

In you are only goodness and right.

All glory be to Your name,

Our perfect, Father, whose grace washes away our shame.

 

---

 

His Glory

It would mean death to see His face,

for his glory is so great.

Oh! being wrapped in His grace

is such sweet, sweet state.

Moses stood in His presence,

and the mere reflection required a veil.

Oh! to have that pleasance!

Our God shall always prevail.

Gracious and merciful.

Slow to anger. Abounding in love and faithfulness.

Every action of His is purposeful.

He forgives the repentant when they transgress.

Let Him be worshiped in every territory,

for to God alone belongs the glory.

 

---

 

More

Too often I do what I do not want to do.

Too often I do what I hate.

But the Lord’s love for me is true.

His grace is more, and His mercy is grate.

My iniquities form a mountain I can’t climb.

My sins form chains I can’t break.

But the Lord lifts me time after time.

Any prison created, he can unmake.

My sins are countless.

His kindness is boundless.

My failings are limitless.

His love is endless.

My crimes are too great for any to ignore,

but my Lord’s forgiveness is so much more.

 

---

 

Endure

Endure, though you may lose everything.

Endure, though you may lose those you love.

Endure, though pain may bring its sting.

Endure, for God is watching from above.

Endure, though your heart may be filled with sadness.

Endure the trial with every breath.

Endure, when circumstances threaten to bring you to madness.

Endure, though you may be near death.

The sufferings of this present time

are not worth comparing to the glory that is to be revealed to us.

His presence is so sublime,

as to make all the earthly things we’ve lost rubbish to us.

Endure, even if it’s hard to understand what your suffering is for.

Endure, for what we have in Heaven will be worth even more.

 

---

 

Joy

Beware the difference between joy and feeling good.

A feeling passes and doesn’t endure.

Joy remains when no one thinks it should.

Joy isn’t cheaply earned; it’s real and pure.

Understand where joy comes from.

It doesn’t come from the things of the Earth.

All the things of world will fall away when time is done.

But joy can be ours if we believe in Christ’s birth.

He provides freedom.

He offers peace.

Service in His kingdom

ensures one a joy that will never cease.

The most pure joy doesn’t come from within.

The most pure form of joy comes only from Him.

Sonnets For My Savior 16

Call Us

Call us first, LORD, to Your Holy Name,

for we are nothing if we are not Yours.

Work through us, LORD, to bring Your name more acclaim,

and let our hearts be vessels in which Your grace pours.

Call us, LORD, to be more like Your Son,

for our Salvation is demonstrated by the fruit we bear.

Let us be Your instruments, LORD, that your will be done,

and let Your will be our one and only care.

Call us, LORD, to toil and work for Your will,

for to please You brings our hearts great cheer.

Let us work, LORD, in service till

the day Your Son has at last returned here.

Call us, LORD, to serve You each and every day,

so that your glory might always be on display.

---

 

Change Our Hearts

Change Our Hearts, Lord, so we may be more like Him.

Let Your word be our sustenance.

Forgive us, Lord, for we turn away on a whim.

Call us back to You and close up the distance.

We call on You in need,

but, when sated, we fall away.

Instead let us think of You with every thought and deed.

Let us place You first in our hearts each and every day.

Let us feel convicted

when we strive for our own desires,

and then we feel conflicted

when a chance to praise You transpires.

Help us choose You, Lord, each and every time

and consider every moment with You sublime.

---

 

Immediately

Jesus called on Peter and Andrew,

At once, they left their nets and followed Him.

He called on James and John, too.

Again they left, and followed Him.

They did not balk or delay.

They answered as soon as they were told.

Immediately, they obeyed.

When we are called, will we be as bold?

What would you have Him wait for?

What would you ask Him to let you do?

With Him as master, do you need anything more?

Think instead of what you would give to be made new.

Do not delay when he calls on you.

Let Him be the greatest passion that you pursue.

---

 

Accepted

I’ve done nothing,

but Christ died for me.

Yet still I’m seeking

the approval of men in any degree.

Yet man did not die on the Cross.

Man did not give up his body.

So why is it I feel such loss,

when I think I’m rejected by anybody?

Foolishly, I try to earn,

what Christ has already given.

The very acceptance for which my heart burns,

was granted the moment he was risen.

Help me stop the works I do so that I receive;

rather bless my work because you’ve chosen me, and I believe.

---

 

To Glorify You

When I open my eyes,

I glorify you for sustaining me.

Even when pains or sufferings arise,

I glorify You, for you can set me free.

When I work with my hands,

I glorify You for using me to do Your bidding.

Indeed blessed is the man who understands,

That life for You is a life most rewarding.

When I lay down at night,

I glorify you for providing me rest.

To obey You is my heart’s delight,

and knowing you’ve chosen me makes me feel blessed.

Every moment is a chance to glorify You;

Every action, a potential payment of what you are due.

---

 

United

Jesus is not divided.

No one else was crucified for our sins.

So let His church be united.

For our Savior sacrificed, is where our wisdom ends and begins.

He died once for all,

and thus we are His.

He died, but He did not fall,

for He was risen, and He lives.

Let us serve Him as one.

Our church is His beloved bride.

By defeating death, our spirits He has won,

so we turn to him, and away from our own foolish pride.

Each of His servants should be the other’s brother,

so let us show our love by serving one another.

---

 

In All Circumstances

If I am brought low,

let me be content.

If I face blow after painful blow,

let me be content.

If I have abundance,

let me be content.

If my heart is filled with exuberance,

let me be content.

For You are God in the winter,

and You are God in the fall.

Yet You are always a faithful provider

to those who worship you, one and all.

So let me face plenty, hunger, abundance and need

because I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Sonnets for My Savior 5

A Family Under God

Let husbands love their wives with a sacrificial love;

let husbands love their wives as they love themselves.

Let wives respect their husbands as heads just as the Lord is head above;

let your scripture be the source for guidance into which the family delves.

Let children be obedient and honor their parents;

let them be raised in the Lord’s discipline and instruction.

Let Your word and Your teachings be parents’ primary arguments

to guide them to a life free from the evil one’s seduction.

Let family members bear with each other and forgive

just as the Lord has forgiven us.

Let their worship for You outlive

any personal distrusts.

Let families live only in accordance to Your will,

so that love and blessings from their hearts overfill.

---

 

Appreciation

Let us give thanks to the Lord with all of our hearts

and proclaim all of His wonderful deeds.

We owe all we have to Him who gives all one needs;

We know that once You have one’s soul, from You it never departs.

He is our rock and our salvation,

so let us always keep him near.

His presence means we need not fear

the curse of eternal damnation.

He grants us our strength and makes us strong,

and to His people He gives peace.

We give thanks to the God from whom all things flow.

He has passed over the sins we have committed, indeed every wrong.

Through him we receive a release

and await the new lives he will, eventually, bestow.

---

 

An End to Suffering

We pray for Your day to come fast,

for that day, You will wipe the tears from our eyes,

and death will no longer last.

Mourning, crying, and pain will cease on the day You arise.

Even if we suffer for a time,

we rejoice despite the pain

because the age to come will be sublime.

Therefore our endurance is not in vain.

From the character endurance breeds comes hope,

and hope does not put us to shame.

Even if we feel we can’t cope,

we will put our trust in Your holy name

We await Your return eagerly,

for on that day, from suffering we will be free.

---

 

Faithful

Oh gracious God, You keep Your ears open for our supplications.

Your love is steadfast with those who love You and keep Your commandments.

You are faithful and provide ways to escape our temptations.

You provide for us and heal us from our ailments.

When we seek You with all our hearts, we find you.

When we come and pray to You, You hear.

Let us hold fast to our hope, for when You make a promise, You always come through.

We exalt You, Lord, for to us You are dear.

In times of temptation, we take heart in Your son.

Even if some are unfaithful, your faithfulness remains.

Even when we suffer, we trust in your will, which will always be done.

We were trapped in sin, and You have broken our chains.

Thank you for being merciful and true

and we give thanks for all the glorious things you do.

---

 

Trust in Your Wisdom

Your Wisdom is pure;

Your judgements are unsearchable.

Though we may doubt, you are always sure.

The depths of your knowledge are unmeasurable.

Fear of You is the beginning of knowledge;

to shun evil is understanding.

In times of sadness, let us pledge

to offer You praise that is abounding.

Should we encounter disappointment,

let us see it as an opportunity

to glorify your sovereign judgement

and conduct ourselves with dignity.

Any one can praise You in times of gladness,

but blessed are those who praise You even in times of sadness.

---

 

Doers

We know it isn’t enough to know.

Our fathers and ceremonies are not what count.

With all we do, we are held to account,

and we will reap what we sow.

You, Lord, measure our heart,

so the rule of law is not where our salvation lies.

Any person who relies on himself dies,

but those who put their faith in Christ are held apart.

Those who do the law are justified;

righteousness doesn’t come from listening.

Even those who haven’t heard it can be a law to themselves if they do what is required.

Those who know the law but break it show themselves falsified.

The disobedient will find the obedient condemning.

For those who receive grace through faith are the ones who are desired.

---

 

Call Me

Here I sit in my iniquity;

call me please, so with You I may sit.

To claim not to need You is fatuity.

I am a sinner, so to You I submit.

I am sick;

You are the only physician who can heal me.

Rebuild me, Lord, brick by brick,

and leave my transgressions in the debris.

I listen for Your call,

for I can not escape my sin.

Let me hear You before I fall,

for there is nothing good in my skin.

The table of tax collectors and sinners is where I should be,

so please sit with us and share the truth that sets us free.

s

Sonnets For My Savior 4

Unworthy

I deserve punishment;

You granted me grace.

I deserve banishment,

but still in Your kingdom, I have a place.

I can not do anything to erase my transgressions,

nor is there anything in me that is right.

Yet still You call me one of Your possessions,

and You bless me with the light.

I was blind until you gave me sight;

I was dead;

I could not be worthy of You try though I might,

so Your Son gave me His worth instead.

My salvation is only possible because of your love.

Thank you, My Lord, who rules from above!

---

 

Let it be Known

He turned water to blood,

but still Pharaoh’s heart was hard.

He brought frogs, gnats and flies, and the livestock died in the barns and the mud

but still Pharaoh’s heart was hard.

Boils, hail, locusts, and darkness he cast upon land,

but still Pharaoh’s heart was hard.

Then all the firstborn were taken by His hand,

and some may ask why He made Pharaoh’s heart hard.

Pharaoh was raised so that God’s power might be known.

He has mercy on whom He shows mercy,

but some are set to be examples.

Our mighty God rules over all from his throne.

His plagues were sent to eliminate controversy.

Those who doubt must remember these displays of power were only samples.

---

 

Let My Seeds Grow

Do not let my heart be a path.

You, my Lord, can cover the road with fertile soil.

If my heart is on rocky ground, soften it, so I do not earn your wrath.

If my heart is surrounded by thorns, plant in it still, Lord, even though it is a toil.

Produce grain in me, a hundredfold, sixty, or thirty,

even if I should only be a harvest of one.

Please do not stop sowing, Lord, even though my heart is dirty.

Plant in me again and again, until my heart is won.

Do not let any birds snatch your seed away.

Let my roots go deep into the ground.

Don’t let persecution cause my faith in you to decay.

Let your word be all to which I am bound.

Let me grow in you.

Sow the field of my heart until I am made new.

---

 

How Great

How great is your sovereignty, Lord?

Every decision comes from You.

How great is your mercy, Lord?

You save us despite all that we do.

How terrifying is your judgement, Lord?

You reprove and discipline those whom you love.

How terrifying is your wrath, Lord?

Vengeance is yours to repay from above.

How immeasurable is your patience, Lord?

You are slow to frustration.

How immeasurable is your love, Lord?

While we were sinners, Your Son’s death gave us salvation.

How great you are!

How great you are!

---

 

Cleanse Me

I’m covered in the filth of my own nature.

My flesh overrules the desire of my soul.

Despite my wish to serve only you, my sin is in control.

Have mercy, Lord, for I am a sinful creature.

I am prideful, selfish, and lustful.

I serve my body when I wish to serve you.

I am unable to stop or help myself through

this constant failure of which I am so regretful.

Your blood is all that can wash my life clean.

Only Your spirit can set me free.

Only through You can I be made right.

On my behalf You can intervene.

Let me be your devotee.

In service to you, let me find my true delight.

---

 

Let Us Be Gathered

You sowed good seeds in your field,

but your enemy sowed weeds among them.

You let both grow so that our wheat we might yield.

Once the crops are harvested, the weeds You will condemn.

Have Your angels harvest us.

Let us be gathered into the barn.

The end of the age will be as thus,

but blessed will be those who to You are sworn.

Let us shine like the sun in the kingdom of our father;

gather for yourself all those who believe.

You can sow good seeds and no other.

Let those who have eyes see and perceive.

Please don’t cast us as weeds into the fire,

for to be with You, Lord, is our greatest desire.

---

 

Glory in Obedience

Let our hearts be closed to greed.

Let them be filled with honesty.

Let our actions be examples of modesty.

Let us give what is owed and to all who are in need.

Your name is as Holy as your person;

let us not profane it.

Let us not seek vengeance, no matter what transgressions people commit.

Let us not cause a person to stumble or make their situation worsen.

Let us be holy, for You are holy.

Let us glorify You in our obedience.

Let our love for You be reflect in our love for one another.

Let us love all, both the mighty and the lowly.

Let us deal with our neighbors with love, peace, and expedience.

Let us treat all with respect, as if they are a sister or brother.

Testimony: Sonnets for My Savior 2

Six Days

With words He took nothing and created everything;

six days, and all that was done was good.

The day, the night, earth and seas did His power bring,

six days, He worked and all was made as it should.

Vegetation and plants He made, which all yielded seeds

six days, which can be measured by the stars He also made.

Then He created the fish and birds and animals of all breeds;

six days, He spoke, and His work shall never fade.

Then He made man in His own likeness,

and gave Him dominion over all other creations.

six days He worked, and all was flawless,

six days He created with nothing but His orations.

He gave man and woman blessings of faithfulness.

Six days he worked, and He needed nothing more than declarations.

---

 

The Lessons From The Master

He promised the poor his kingship;

He said those who mourn will always be comforted.

He offered the earth to the meek of his fellowship;

Let our hearts and his lessons never be parted.

Those who hunger for righteousness shall be filled.

Those who offer mercy will receive it.

Praise our Lord Christ, through whom the prophecies will fulfilled,

To you, dear Jesus, and your teachings do we, your servants, commit.

He took the things said to those of old,

and clarified them so we may know

the truth and context of what was told.

With Him we learn and hope and grow.

Let us follow his teachings and commands.

Let us follow him, every woman, child, and man.

---

 

The Glory

To Him who saved the Israelites from the Pharaoh of Egypt,

to Him goes the glory always.

He is perfect and mighty; to Him goes the praise;

For He raised His son from Death, now empty is the crypt.

To Him who delivered Jerusalem in fulfillment of an oath,

To Him goes the glory forever.

His love and mercy always endure, come whatever.

For he is the God of jews and gentiles both.

To him who gave us the profits, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel and Moses,

God of Jacob, Isaac, and Abraham,

He who judges and has mercy, He who curses and blesses,

He who granted Salvation, His son was the lamb,

the glory goes to Him who sees humanity through its distresses.

To Him goes the glory, He who calls himself I AM.

---

 

Redemption

What a glorious thing I’ve been given

from the God-man incarnate from above.

It matters not how much I’ve striven,

Only His grace, which was given from love.

Even though I am undeserving,

He paid the price for my transgressions.

His care for me is ever unswerving;

All I can give back are my confessions.

He is my Savior for what he’s done;

His substitution is my redemption.

His blood and sacrifice my soul have won;

His death the key to my adoption.

I accept you, my Savior, in my heart,

With that and repentance my new life and sanctification start.

---

  

The Armor

Let us clear away our hypocrisy that we may fight free;

let righteousness cover our hearts, Lord, so temptation can’t get in.

Let your good news grant our feet certainty, so we won’t slip by a single degree;

Let us trust in you, and let that trust cover our bodies and keep us from the darts of sin.

Let us always remember we are saved, let doubt never enter our minds;

Help us to train, oh Lord, to study your word like a blade master trains with his sword.

Help make your word a part of us, for we know that he who seeks finds;

Let us recall the right verses when we face temptation; then victory over sin will be our reward.

Let us wear your armor, Lord, and never remove it;

Let us be guarded by you always and never let down our guard.

We pray to be alert, Our Father, lest to our own natures we submit.

We pray to be alert, Our Father, lest our walk with you be jarred.

Let us stand with you always and trust in your grace.

Let us wear your armor, Lord, and let us walk in the faith.

---

 

Willing

We are able, Lord, we are able;

They spoke to him to gain his favor.

They wanted the left and right seats of his table,
but they did not understand our Savior.

They did not understand the true cost

of service and submission.

He was about to die for the Lost,

and they would suffer on his commission.

They did indeed find the glory they sought,

but not before paying the price.

The value of service is what the master taught,

and they learned so well through his sacrifice.

Now we are asked if we are willing;

let us be so for all the days we are living.

---

 

Rule Us

Let us humble ourselves to your mighty hand;

let us strive first to be righteous.

To seek to do or accomplish for ourselves is erroneous,

for you exalt, in due time, those who do as you demand.

Let us trust in you with all our hearts

and think first of how to glorify you.

For without your will, there is not point in what we do

We seek your kingdom and scripture to be our ramparts,

Our own works count for nothing beside your great plan.

The true blessing is to submit and trust in your grace.

Let us do so, oh Lord, and bring you to smile.

For we know disobedience is where our sin began,

and it was obedience of your son on earth that this original sin is erased

because our own understanding is not worthwhile.

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 16

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

See Part 10 here.

See Part 11 here.

See Part 12 here.

See Part 13 here.

See Part 14 here.

See Part 15 here.

Praise  and Doubt

I was on a high the day after Mom was taken to the hospital.  My work actually has a weekly lunchtime Bible study group. I had the chance to tell my coworkers things weren’t quite that bad. We studied the book of Romans. I’d also been looking for more fellowship in my life.  A coworker of mine goes to a different church, but his men’s group meets on a day that fits my schedule, so I rushed home from work to change and head to that.

It was a blast. I’m told that’s not a normal men’s group, but man was it fun.  It was a praise session with music, testimony, and a guest speaker. I sang my heart  out and listened about how one needs to be open to letting God work through them.  It was so much fun and so needed.

What I didn’t know is that my sister and brother in law had been trying to call me.  My phone never rang. I never got any messages. I went to bed, and I went to work the next morning still feeling like things were great. I knew the MRI was scheduled and should have been done, but I didn’t get any news. I didn’t want to push, so I waited.

At about the middle of my morning the next day, I saw a text from my sister.

“Did I do something wrong?”

I had no idea what she was talking about.  “No, why on Earth would you wonder that?”

Not having any clue what was going on, I waited for an explanation, but received nothing.  When I sat down to lunch, I knew I had a  bit more time, so I sent another text.

“Still not sure why you think I would think you did something wrong.”

“I tried calling,” she replied. “You didn’t answer. I tried texting. No reply. At least not up until now. Matt, I’m not in a good place right now. I’m getting some rest, and then I gotta spend time with my kids. It has just been an emotional roller coaster, and I’m full of saying all the wrong things or the right things but at the wrong time. So I’m again going to take a nape, wake up, spend time with kids, and hope for a better day than it has be the last couple.”

I was baffled.  I explained to her that I never got a call from either her or her husband. I didn’t have a missed call notification or anything.  This is still a mystery, but I’ll hand my phone to whoever wants to see it.

Knowing things were clearly not going well, I called.

This is where things get complicated. My sister said that the MRI didn’t go well. The surgeon had told the family that the tumor had grown. It was too large on which to operate.  They were talking about other options, and my sister wasn’t sure if another round of anything was what Mom would want.  You can imagine how others might feel at a time like that.

I explained that we’re a family, and what we need to do most is focus on thinking about what Mom needs. She wasn’t sure. She was worried what to do. She was worried how the rest of the family was reacting.

During the conversation, I kept my composure. I wanted to be supportive and listen.  This has become my new focus at any point in dealing with my family.  Listen, and be supportive.

The second I hung up, the tears came.  I fell to my knees crying, but I knew what the right thing to do was.

When we suffer, we praise God.

I folded my hands in prayer and quoted Job 1:21, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”

I felt Job was a very appropriate piece of scripture to turn to. But I still couldn’t do much more than cry, so I went to another verse, Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I didn’t quote either verbatim.  With Jeremiah, I wasn’t even thinking of the right book. I thought I was quoting Isaiah until I looked it up again.  I was stabbing the Sword of the Spirit into my doubt and fear.

None of that changed the fact that I felt it was time to go home.

Let me be clear on something. I’ve told my family this, and I feel the same in my heart. The only member of the family that everyone loves is my mother.   She’s the only one I guarantee every single member loves without question or reservation.

Everyone involved is doing the best they can based on the information they have and how they perceive it.  The fact is, I know that’s true. But what I knew in that moment was my Mom wasn’t in great shape. My sister was worried, and with good reason.  The guy who performed the first surgery on my mother said things looked bad. I think the reason I’m able to listen and be supportive is because that’s all I have to worry about. I don’t have any power in this situation, so all I can do is collect information and offer an ear when it’s needed.

The very co-worker and friend with whom I went to the men’s group, Keith, was there when I got the call and fell to tears. He waited for me to finish, and then offered me a prayer as well. I can’t express what that means to me.  I was ready to do whatever was needed, but I wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was, so I  went to the command chaplain.

We talked for a while, and he said the best idea was to get over there if for no other reason than to learn first-hand what was going on.

It’s what I wanted to do anyway, so I was happy to hear that advice. The problem was I was in the middle of an iteration of class.  I went to talk to the chief in charge of our class.   He wasn’t sure why I hadn’t already left. I talked to each member of the team I work with and a few other coworkers.

Readers, I can’t express to you how supportive they were. They offered hugs and kind words. They offered to drive me to the airport. They put together a plan that would let me get back home and do whatever I could.

I drove home and bought the ticket. I didn’t want to be a distraction, but I also didn’t want to be a surprise. I asked Elise, a coworker of mine whom I consider a confidant and a sort of Christian adviser. She thinks a lot like I do, and since we talk a lot, I wanted her opinion.

She advised me to call.  The distraction my pending visit might be wasn’t that big a deal.  I agreed. My family need to know I was coming to support them.  I’m still not being completely truthful yet, so I have to explain the rest of the process.

I called Elise to see if I should call my brother-in-law (and best friend). I didn’t want him or my sister working to figure out how to pick me up around their schedule and whatever was going to happen with Mom. Since I thought I’d be staying there, I asked Elise about calling my brother.

I called him. He explained what he knew. I made sure he knew I was coming, but that I’d figure out how to get from the airport to his house.

I then asked him if I should tell everyone.  Again, I didn’t want my arrival to be a bother. He encouraged me to tell everyone else, so I sent a quick text.  Somewhere in there, I found out that Mom was about to be released and taken all the way to Yuma.

I called my sister to figure out when she was driving to Yuma, and we worked out the trip down, but now there was the issue on where to stay.  Do we stay at the in-laws (my best friend’s family) or with Dad.  I knew I’d be there eventually, but I wouldn’t get to Yuma until 1 a.m., and that’s just a stupid time to get anywhere, especially when there’s a lot of emotional stuff going on.

I called my Dad next. I let him know I was coming. We talked a bit more, and I could already see the friction in the situation. My sister’s concerns that Mom might not want another round of treatment were opposite my Dad’s belief that we weren’t there yet, and that this next round of treatment was the right plan.

Once again, there is not right or wrong in this scenario. The bigger problem is when people start picking sides. I’ve told my father and sister this, but I had this serious actual thought in my head where he and my sister (Mom’s powers of attorney) start this giant legal battle over this decision.  Both have since assured me that’s not the case, and I wasn’t exactly in my most rational state, but I was still horrified that a family that wasn’t that united to begin with was about to shatter to a point that couldn’t be healed.

The fact that they’ve assured me we won’t end up in some nightmarish legal battle doesn’t eliminate the general fear I had that our family’s already fragile state was near a breaking point. My plan: Stick to the plan! Listen! Be supportive!

Jay, Elise’s husband and a friend of mine in his own right, took me to the airport.  We talked bout the right thing to do.  Rather, we talked about what he knew to do. Pray, and read the scripture.  I didn’t have a clue how to support anyone, especially when there were still (in my mind) two very distinct sides.  My sister didn’t want to casually let Mom go any more than my dad wanted to put his wife through any necessary pain.  I knew that then, and I know that now.

So I got to the airport and thought to ask my chaplain to send some verses my way to ponder what’s going on.

He sent:

Romans 8:30-39, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Philippians 4:11-19, Job 1 and 2, 2 Corinthians 4, Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, Psalm 33:20 (which I’d already read and loved), and Matthew 11:28-29.

I immediately started highlighting them.  I read each over and over again. I have other verses in my Bible highlighted, and I added them to the routine.  Somehow, James 1:5-6 fell in front of me.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”

It continues in verse 7-8, “That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

I realized something while reading that. I was feeling doubt when I shouldn’t. I’d prayed to God to take care of my Mom, and he will.  The issue I felt was my responsibility was to to take care of my family.  They needed support. I felt in that moment that God was calling me to go home, not to worry about my mom, but instead to keep my family united.

It was still an incredibly intimidating task.

 

---

 

Questions and Revelations

What are the other verses?

I hope you ask yourself this. If you did, I’m glad. Let me share all of those verses with you because they helped me, and I hope they’re of help to you when you face something like this.

Job 1 and 2 are chapters. They’re powerful. I took the most comfort from the very verse I quoted (badly) when I called my sister.  I’m not comfortable posting entire chapters of the Bible here, but I’d recommend the book of Job to any who feels they’ve suffered. Often when I feel I’m suffering, I think of Job and Christ. My entire family and livelihood haven’t been taken, and I’m certainly not being crucified. However bad my situation is, it’s not that bad.

Psalm 33:20-22: “We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”

If that verse looks familiar, it’s because I read it a few days prior and mentioned it in the previous segment of this testimony. I think when a certain verse keeps popping up, the person encountering it should pay particular attention. It reminds me to trust in God. I don’t know his plan. I don’t know how things will go, but I know God will provide. I’ve put my hope in Him.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2: Most of you probably are already familiar with the words even if you don’t know their real origin. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot.”

I might not get what I want out of this situation, but all things happen for my good, and they happen when they’re supposed to happen. This is what I took from that verse.

Matthew 11:28-29: “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and  humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Romans 8:30-39: “And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died–more than that, who was raised to life–is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: ‘For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all the things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

While comforting in that time because it reminds me that God and Jesus love us no matter what, that verse is also affirming for my salvation, a thing which some Christians unfortunately believe can be lost.  If you are saved (and you should take a hard look at that), you’re saved. Nothing will take that salvation from you.

2 Corinthians 4 is another entire chapter.

2 Corinthians 12:9:  “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

And THAT verse is what I turn to when I set myself to a task (like that with my family) I don’t feel I’m suited for.  God equips us for our tasks in life. He provides what we need to do his will. His grace is all we need.

Why is keeping your family together such a daunting task in your mind?

That will be the subject of my next testimony. Short version, we haven’t been united in a very long time.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 6

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

Know The Enemy

 

Around the time my mom’s treatment plan was getting finalized, I got a hold of my sister and learned the specific type of cancer with which my mother was diagnosed.

It’s called Glioblastoma Astrocytoma. The following information was obtained from the American Brain Tumor Association’s website. I’ve chosen them to receive any royalties earned after I release the complete story you’re reading at this moment.

GBMs are tumors usually located in the cerebral hemispheres of the brain but not uncommon anywhere in the brain or spinal cord. The good news is they don’t typically spread anywhere else in the body.

As I looked at the symptoms, I found a few that were common back when I called my mom just a few days before this all started. The primary ones I remember were speech difficulties, headaches and drowsiness.

One thing that was encouraging to me as I spoke to my father about mom’s treatment is the fact that the treatment has been in development for an amount of time I can’t pin down. But as I looked at ABTA’s website, it seemed right in step with what they were doing with my mom, except for one notable exception.

For all the bad news I’d gotten regarding my mom, her diagnosis, and how long it could take, my mom qualified for a newer treatment (amino treatment). I don’t know much about this treatment as I type this, but it essentially is something doctors have found is effective in treating cancer. Everything I’m told reflects that being able to use this helps my mom a lot. I know my father was hopeful this treatment option would be available, so I kept that in mind during my prayers, and those prayers were answered thanks to the mercy of God’s will.

The doctors opted to do this treatment along with the other standard treatments. I spoke to my mom and father about this. I think it’s a positive. I’m an all-in kind of guy. I think if there are three things to do that help increase a the odds of accomplishing the goal, one should do all three things.

As I read The Bible, I find myself working hard to understand the concept of free will. My current theory is that one should do all in his power to achieve a goal, but that individual must always understand that nothing happens without God’s will. I think we show God our faith and intent by taking action to follow his laws and demonstrate our worship. It’s all fine and good to pray, but if all you do is talk, God, who already knows your heart, might not be very moved. (That analogy might rub some the wrong way, but please note this is an analogy and not intended as a direct statement of fact.)

When one combines prayer, faith, and action, I feel that individual is doing everything they can do to demonstrate commitment and loyalty to God and his will.  My mom’s courage and effort is an example of this. The woman’s a freight train of effort in everything. Even days after that first surgery, I’m told the doctors and nurses were amazed at her desire to get right back on her feet.

As I type this, one of her biggest frustrations is that (to her) she’s not bouncing back quickly enough. Leave it to my mom to be frustrated she’s not at 100% two days after surgery despite the fact that the doctors (at that time) didn’t even have a full diagnosis. So as my family rallied around my mom, I prayed. Action + Prayer + Faith in God = blessings. I may have to add Loyalty, the following of God’s laws to that equation, but I currently place that in the same area as faith. I mean, how can one say they have faith in God and then follow it up by doing those things which God finds detestable?  Furthermore, how can one do these things and honestly expect God to put that aside and grant him anything?  Despite the temptation and fear I felt, I did everything I could to keep God’s laws and pray as best as I know how. The moment I heard my mom qualified for this additional treatment, I once more dropped to my knees to immediately praised Him for his mercy and continued blessings.

We knew what my mom was facing, and we had a plan for how to fight it. But we still needed someone to step up to help coordinate the effort. When that moment came, I learned I had no idea how heroic some of the members of my family could be.

 

---

 

Questions and Revelations

How often has that formula worked for you?

Well that formula has more variables than I can account for. The largest factor in the formula is my own sin. I talk to my friends a lot about this concept. Humanity sins so much every day. We tend to put those sins aside as if God will forgive them simply because everyone else does them. These are the white lies we tell. It is our pride as we judge those around us. It’s the thoughts we entertain but tell ourselves are fine because, “we’re not acting on those thoughts.” Actions matter, but we still sin with our thoughts.

That’s the variable I focus on when I live my life these days. I have things I want. Those things must be secondary to pleasing God. In 1 Kings, God asks Solomon to ask for a blessing. Solomon could have prayed for wealth and heirs. Instead, Solomon asked only for wisdom. He prayed for the wisdom to serve God and his people. In turn, God granted not only that prayer, but also those others mentioned above. For me, the action and prayer portions of that clever little formula of mine are easy. That last one is one that takes true commitment. I want to fill my heart with God. I want to know I’m serving him in what I do. I’m not going to pretend I don’t have wants or ambitions. But I do try to put those aside and focus most on service to God. I really don’t know how good I am at it. I can only say with complete honesty that I’m making an effort.

I wouldn’t advise people to take this formula and try to directly apply it to whatever mortal desire they have. I don’t have the mathematical acumen necessary to present the formula in a manner I feel is most accurate, but the fact is that faith in God must be at the highest value for those other two to matter. I can toil forever and never accomplish my goal if it’s not in God’s will. I can pray till I’m blue in the face, but that prayer won’t be answered if I willfully sin and stubbornly refuse to do those things my heart tells me God wants me to do.

Honestly, I find myself wishing for the occasional burning bush or booming voice. I want to believe I’d jump to whatever command God gave me if he’d deliver one of those, but he works in more subtle ways in today’s day and age. I’ll talk about that a bit in the next segment.

I realize I didn’t answer the above question.  The answer I’ll go with is I’m blessed far more often than I’m not. Please note I’m not claiming God’s favor. I think we’re all blessed more often than we realize. The thing is I’m currently, actively looking at my life and recognizing the blessings I have. I also observe these blessings from a perspective that reminds me I don’t deserve anything but God’s sovereignty. I woke up today, and God didn’t have to let me. Each time I’m happy about something, I call that a blessing. I honestly think if we did something like that more often, we’d see God’s mercy much more than we see his sovereignty. I think if we did this, we’d know that while terrible things happen, and they are indeed sad, terrible events, as a species, we’re blessed far more often than we’re not.

If any who are more trained and understanding of scripture care to chime in here I’m happy to listen.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt